by Avital Norman Nathman
When childhood crushes go bad
I remember a time when there was a new boy in the neighborhood who lived downstairs and jumbled up all sorts of gender roles and expectations when he became a live in nanny (manny?). Charles in Charge wasn't Scott Baio's only role that had me aflutter. Chachi did things to my chachi if you know what I'm saying. And so, it is with deep sadness that I lament that Scott Baio spends every waking hour completely pissing all over my childhood crush. Because, I do not think I can ever get over this:
I'll be honest. Scott Baio started crushing my heart to bits earlier than this. Thanks to social media, the world has a better idea of what Scott Baio is all about, and let me tell you, Charles is NOT in charge any more. (PS: Thankfully, Joshua Malina is still aces.)
Sadly, Baio is not alone, as I found when I looked back at some other childhood crushes. All grown up now and with the sparkledust of the '80s wiped clean from my eyes, I've come to realize that many of my childhood crushes are the worst. THE WORST.
Antonio Sabato, Jr.
What are you doing, Jagger Cates? Not only are you besties with my former crush Scott Baio, but you're also on the Trump/Pence train (to hell)? UGH.
Stacey Dash stole my heart as Dionne in Clueless. She and Murray were my favorite and her sense of style was on point. Even now, a couple decades later (I KNOW!), she looks exactly the same and I want to love, love, love it. But I can't. Because DAMN, STACEY DASH. DAMN.
Fuck. I can't even with Johnny Depp. Domestic abuse, dude. Damn it. That is WAY worse than shilling for Trump.
Who were your childhood crushes? Do you dare look them up to see if they too will stomp all over your heart?