MaxMA Test Kitchen: Chocolate Chip S'mores Cookies Are Pinterest Level Hard

by Darlena Cunha

Images via Pixabay, Wikicommons; modified by Maximum Middle Age

Images via Pixabay, Wikicommons; modified by Maximum Middle Age

Does anything say summer more than s'mores? Only, like, a dozen things, OK? What I'm saying is, s'mores are pretty summery. And you want that in your kids' lives. Unfortunately, s'mores come with fire, and in my family, that's pretty much a no. I just don't have the mom strength to protect my young against open flame. So for this week's summer recipe, we're going to attempt s'mores without the fire, and we're going to do it inside chocolate chip cookies, mother fuckers, because we are like, Mom level 3, at least. Right? Right. Plus, the Internet said it was simple.

 

A photo posted by chris bates (@i_steal_souls) on

 

Of course, the photo is of UNBAKED goods, which is always suspect. If these projects end so well, why not show us the finished product? Still, I feel good about this. What could go wrong with s'mores covered in cookie dough? That just sounds like winning all over the place. Of course they're going to stay in their cute little boxes of delicious dough. They really don't have any choice. They're too adorable.

Read more: MaxMA Test Kitchen: My Attempt at Jell-O in a Watermelon

So, we start. First grab your roll of pre-made cookie dough. JUST KIDDING. That's what I did. Do not do that. Apparently the gods of making cookie dough for you don't make the kind that stays in cute little boxes. (A little foreshadowing for you.)

Image via Darlena Cunha

Image via Darlena Cunha

Anyway, make your own damn dough, then cry a little because you just spent all afternoon making dough (and dishes), then instead of dropping those doo-dads onto a cookie sheet, take about three tablespoons' worth and shape it into a cup.

Image via Darlena Cunha

Image via Darlena Cunha

Then you put little pieces of graham crackers in your cups that you made by your own self. And next comes the glorious chocolate. Thankfully, no one looks at you sideways for using pre-made chocolate so bring on the Hershey's. Oh, wait, if you live in Florida, put that shit in the fridge, otherwise it melts. For real.

Image via Darlena Cunha

Image via Darlena Cunha

Marshmallows are next! Again, Florida. Don't leave your ingredients in cupboards in Florida. If you live anywhere that isn't the third level of hell-heat-swamp, you'll be fine. Mine were a little stuck together, but who cares. The point is for them to melt together anyway, right?

Image via Darlena Cunha

Image via Darlena Cunha

Then you cap your cookies off.

JUST KIDDING. You forgot the other layer of graham crackers. Reopen those suckers and sneak 'em in. Sheesh. Get it together, Pinterest mom.

Image via Darlena Cunha

Image via Darlena Cunha

OK, nooooow cap them. Did you remember to preheat your oven? If not, don't worry. Let it heat up while your damn cookies are in there. I mean, preheating is silly anyway, amirite?

And we wait.

Coupla things, here. Pointers if you will.

First, a game of Tetris takes longer than 11 minutes. If you didn't know, now you do. Don't play Tetris while you wait. You'll be sorry. I know this. I have experience.

But, let's be real. Even if I hadn't become the newest Tetris goddess (first one since 1988, thank you very much), those s'mores cookies would have fallen faster than England after Brexit... too soon? Too soon.

Image via Darlena Cunha

Image via Darlena Cunha

Read more: More Butter, Please: Your Basic Anti-Diet Potato Gratin

Second, you know how they always tell you to bake things of similar sizes together? Turns out there is a reason for that.

Image via Darlena Cunha

Image via Darlena Cunha

The reason is burnage, I guess. So much for my four delicious packets of s'mores and my other cute regular cookies. How about a cookie sheet of ash, instead? Think anyone will notice?

Market them as crunchy. They'll never know. OK, maybe they'll know.

At least your Tetris skills are rad?

Until next time.

Chocolate chip s'mores cookies

Makes 10

Ingredients:

  • Cookie dough
  • Graham crackers
  • Chocolate
  • Mini marshmallows

Directions:

  1. Make cookie dough (haha, use extra flour, for serious)
  2. Make 3 tablespoons' worth into a cup-like contraption.
  3. Place graham cracker inside, then chocolate, then marshmallows, then graham cracker.
  4. Cover the cup with more cookie dough.
  5. Bake at 350 for 11-13 minutes. (NO MORE.) 
 

Darlena Cunha is a freelance writer whose work appears in TIME, The Washington Post, The Atlantic and more. In her spare time, she stays at home to mother her twin daughters, spending hours staring adoringly into their little life-halting faces. (Just kidding, Internet. She loves them more than life, etc.) You can find more of Darlena's adventures in the kitchen at Darlena's EPIC FAILS on Parentwin.com