Dear Husband, I'm Sorry I Fell Asleep During 'Captain America'

by Jess Burnquist

Image via WikiCommons

Image via WikiCommons

I appreciate, dear husband, how you bought Bavarian Pretzel Beer for our big during-the-week movie-watching date. I know you've been looking forward to seeing Captain America: Civil War in the comfort of our own home for days. Forgive me for passing out before the 45-minute mark. I could blame the beer, the 10-hour teaching day, the homework war with our youngest — but I won't. Truthfully, I fell asleep during the movie because the movie was boring. 

After the opening sequence, which I think lasted for almost half an hour, I realized I couldn't keep up with the Avengers-based cast. I remembered Bucky, though. I hope you noticed that. There was the character that Scarlett Johansson plays — she's really good at martial arts, right? Then there was the Scarlet Witch. Kind of a name game, I guess. And they looked alike, those two. I probably should have worn my glasses. I need one of those chains for my specs.

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Who was that red guy? There was definitely a red theme. Red fire, red communists, red hair. I tried to stay awake for Robert Downey Jr. I really did. We even shared a laugh about the computer generated teenage version of his character, Tony Stark, because it was spot on — except for his neck. (His neck was weird and it gave me bad dreams.) Apparently, I dozed off during a scene in which Stark was plotting something. I think he was discussing having a redo of an event of some kind, but I misunderstood his line and thought he said, "I'm going to rebrand America." Imagine my disappointment when you told me I got it wrong.

I meant to ask you, was there a plot? Because it kind of felt like this:

Image via Deviant Art

Image via Deviant Art

Explosion.
Brief dialogue.
Explosion.
Pensive expression.
Quick attempt at quick wit.
Explosion.
Fight.
Fight.
Fight.
Regret. 

I fell asleep hard around regret. I thought about asking my students to give me the down-low on this film so that I could feign a deeper understanding than my possible snoring may have conveyed. I think I'll try to watch it again this weekend. Or, maybe, I'll just ask you to tell me about it. Apparently Spider-Man is in it too? Whatever.

 

Jess Burnquist teaches high school English and Creative Writing in Arizona. Because she has a teenage son and daughter, she is literally surrounded by adolescents 24/7. Sit with that for a minute. Her writings and teaching blog can be found at www.jessburnquist.com.