You, Too, May Be Attracted to Middle-Aged People. Science Says So!

by Victoria Barrett

Image via Pixabay

Image via Pixabay

For some reason a scientist published an actual journal paper arguing that it's possible to find yourself attracted to middle-aged people, which was evidently a thing that needed to be said. Scientists have even coined a term! Mesophilia sounds like a disease you'd see on a late-night commercial for a law firm representing a class-action suit, but no, it's just the way we describe people who do not find those of us in our 40s and 50s sexually repugnant and are, instead, actually oriented toward fucking us. And you thought people were sleeping with you out of pity or desperation or boredom or whatever. OK, probably they are, but also because you are a magnetic beast, you.

Read more: When It's Not Love You Want

The scientist, Michael C. Seto of the University of Ottawa, would like us to know that attractions to different age groups can, in fact, be considered sexual orientations, a phenomenon he calls chronophilias (and which, by the way, includes in its spectrum pedophilia, the defining of which as a "normal" sexuality is apparently a whole field of study and the core of Seto's research). As long as we are dudes. Really, the abstract of his article in the scholarly journal Archives of Sexual Behavior tells us so: "The puzzle of chronophilias includes questions about etiology and course, how chronophilias are related to each other, and what they can tell us about how human (male) sexuality is organized." How female sexuality is organized? We'll leave that to cute terms like "cougar" and "sugar baby."

So in the name of all that is holy, let us now raise a glass to science and our gratitude to Dr. Seto for establishing, through science that some among us can, indeed, still catch a dick. Someday perhaps scientists like him can even consider female sexuality worthy enough of study to give us our own five-syllable words to describe our desires, mainstream or aberrant.

 

Victoria Barrett's fiction and nonfiction have appeared in Glimmer Train, Salon, PANK, and other outlets. She lives and writes in a house full of men and boys (even the pets) and tries not to feel too bad about it.