Yes, my saga of Quasi Pause continues, but at 52 after nearly 25 years of living with HIV, I truly never thought I’d be dealing with these issues because I didn’t think I’d even be alive.
We all know how important it is to relieve stress. People meditate, go for a run, contort their bodies into the wounded peacock, and go for long walks on the beach. But what if we all relaxed like our parents did instead?
For 55 years, I scarfed down Ben and Jerry's and nachos and bad pizza like the rest of you, until one day I realized the disconcerting truth: Milk products were making me sick.
A revelation: love my body and what it can do and feel with another person without an exacting exchange.
My aging bed — and I call it that because it was getting old and it was AGING US with it — was past time for a change.
Inside these flashbacks, sound is the way it is in a swimming pool: absent and deafening at once. Shouldn't a little girl who is being harmed cry and holler and bellow?
Darling, the host has a man bun.
There's no question. I'll be his friend until he's gone. And then, after, I'll have time to make a home with the human whom I also love.
2. Wipe puke out of my cleavage and keep on keeping on.
In this week's installment of Badass Divorcées: How to attend a wedding without losing your shit.
I must confess that I haven't ridden with her THAT much, because my car does not come equipped with a passenger side steering wheel or brake. Or Xanax.
Maybe that was the last time a boy looked at me as just a kid. Not as a kid with boobs. Not as a girl. Just as a kid.
I meant to ask you, was there a plot?
One thing they don't tell you when you are taking your marriage vows or shacking up together or deciding to hang out for a few years while sharing a Netflix password is that the person with whom you decided to undertake this with will one day annoy the hell out of you.
3. Someone asks for your help selecting the best produce.
A scientist published an actual journal paper arguing that it's possible to find yourself attracted to middle-aged people, which was evidently a thing that needed to be said.
When it comes time to defend Madonna when she has been a constant victim of ageism, a lot of women are happy to look the other way.
I'm glad this movie has been made to shed some light on these cases and how horrifically damaging the social media bullying and shaming against rape victims is, and it is the sort of thing those of us with older kids should make them watch and discuss.
It Happened to Me: I Made Some Stock Images of Old Ladies With Clickbait Young People Headlines
So, so many people are sharing this image with one hand while patting themselves on the back with the other. As you've no doubt guessed, I hate this meme.
Have you experienced the pressure to push through illness? To work through pain or suffering?
It's ageism, flat out, and it's a shame that yet another publication has decided that older women aren't a worthwhile audience.
We are all united in style after a certain point, and have no tolerance for back-handed compliments that end in "for your age."
You have to give Margaret props for how nicely she decorated that punishment closet, what with all the candles and the Jesus pictures and all. At least she made an effort there. Maybe that's why she was too busy to do a deep conditioning treatment.
I am the ghost of your stylish life, one box over from the $400 studded leather boots you got for $60 on clearance and never wore because you should've bought the extended calf size in the first place.
Chris MacNeil, mother of Regan MacNeil, and a true hero because the second my kid started peeing all over my floor and making her bed shake I would have abandoned her in a dumpster.
I knew I would get wrinkles. I knew I would get laugh lines. But everyone failed to tell me about how on occasion I would wake up looking like my eyes were surrounded by puffy death bags™ and dark circles.
This is what the woman-in-the-know knows: We endure, even when youth passes. Beauty is only fleeting if we let others tell us what is beautiful.
Here are the things you should never wear that make you look old because you are actually older.
'The Walking Dead' has been breaking our hearts and making us cover our eyes for the last seven years. It's why we watch horror shows!
I can't help but think I will wanna go to Disney World or Land when I'm much older, like 70. That sounds like a pretty great birthday party for a senior, a trip to Disney World.
To think that we all grew up playing Pong and this is the technology we have now, well, that's super mind-blowing.
Clowns are getting a bad rap. It wasn't always this way.
Keidis's spittle and cracked tooth were things to hide in my pre-1991 conception of bodies and appeal, and there they were, front and center, set off by metallic body paint and lipstick.
The video for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" made me deeply uncomfortable. There they were, on the screen, mocking everything I'd spent my entire adolescence trying to be.
Clair Huxtable is the TV mom that raised me best.
Many days I can’t remember to drop off the dry cleaning or whether I need to buy laundry detergent. Yet I have no problem conjuring up a 30-year-old memory of Judd Nelson in his large overcoat wearing Molly Ringwald's diamond earring as he walked away from a memorable day of detention.
Perhaps I'm the one that needs to change? Maybe I need some sort of bionic enhancement?
This is 47?! No, dolls. This is a lifetime of worn-past-your-limit abuse.
...Then bury it in a mixture of salt, human hair, and your own fingernail clippings in the dirt of a fresh grave. Come back in 28 days, dig it up, and voila! Your stains should be gone.
Remember that you stepped on a bee in the cider house on a tour when you were little, and also that it seemed that a whole lot of bees were getting smushed in the cider press, and then keep in mind that you will probably be inadvertently drinking bees.
Unrealistic to say, "Only half-way there," when we passed that point. Silly to post, "I'm still young!" when the camera establishes unequivocally we no longer are.
Oooooh, I'm a ghost but you ordered pizza instead.
Give us your cheesiest, carbiest comfort food recipes.
If you were a kid in the 1970s and your mother cooked at all, she had a copy of the 'Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book,' and in it are Jello salads for days.
Ah, the '70s. When kitchens were chock-full of owls and mushrooms, groovy patterns, and plenty of orange, brown, and avocado green.
Even if you're buying the most magical, organic vegetables grown by unicorns, you're not going to spend anywhere near this much money for them.
His last quote struck my last nerve: "We know, or ought to know, that time spent creating Vines... is essentially wasted time, that could and should be spent... sleeping." Ah, sleep. Yes. Old people who don't participate in crushing candy or chasing Pokemons should be sleeping.
Let's watch all the scary movies and eat all the candy!
They could make The Fifth Best Exotic Marigold Hotel with him in it and I'd watch it.
Here's what we're reading this week.
Gatti's claim that he "has acquired a right" to her very identity, with details from that identity used in a circular defense of his actions, sounds a whole lot like a rape defense.
Here's what we're reading this week.
You can totally get your Halloween on now! Come tell us all about it.
Here's what we're reading this week.