A Guide to Playing Pokémon GO for the Olds

Everyone is playing Pokémon GO unless you are a jerk or your name is Karen. But if you aren't playing it yet here is how you can play it if you are old like me and don't understand how the Internet or Pokémons work. I will explain. 

You get the Pokémon GO on your cell phone and it will give you error messages like NO YOU CANNOT HAVE THE POKÉMON TOO MANY PEOPLE WANT THIS POKÉMON SO THE SERVERS ARE BUSY. Keep trying, you can do it! 

Image via  RobertBiggers /YouTube

Image via RobertBiggers/YouTube

Make your kids get the Pokémons especially your millennial who is visiting from college and when he can't get the Pokémons from not having enough room on his phone yell "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR DL'ING ALL THOSE GIRL TALK MIXTAPES BITCH. NO POKÉMONS FOR YOU." Also make your mom get the Pokémons. 

Then go outside because there are some Pokémons out there, yes I know, outside is dumb but you can see things like nature in the outside. 

Then you catch them using a Pokéball and you will be bad at this because this is basically a video game so you have to spend more money to get more Pokéballs and that's OK you are old so you can do this but if your kids ask for money the answer is NO. You can also get free balls by going to places called Pokéstops which will be on your little GPS thingy which some jerk can tell you about. 

Image via Pokémon Go 

Image via Pokémon Go 

This next part is important: If you go to a Pokéstop you will see other adults with their phones out. If they are your neighbors and they ask if you are playing Pokémons say "LOL NO MY KIDS ARE I AM HERE WITH MY KIDS" then put your phone back in your purse but take it back out so you can collect your free stuff. 

The next step is you go to buy groceries but you take your kid with so when you are driving they get your Pokémons for you and then it takes you twice as long getting groceries because sometimes Pokémons are there and you gotta catch them all! 

Image via Eve Vawter

Image via Eve Vawter

Also you go on a lot of walks to catch the Pokémons and then you get real tired so plan on taking naps.

So this is the way you play this Pokémon GO. Feel free to leave your own tips in the comments so we can all win this video game.