by Theresa Edwards
Chicken. It's an animal that you can turn into food. But how? Chicken in it's unadulterated chicken-y state is bland and sort of gross to handle. There's the booger-y fat tissue of your standard chicken boob, and other parts of this majestic feathered raptor boast hairy pimple things. Chicken that's simply been heated to bacteria-murdering temperatures without any seasoning or batter is great for not starving, but tastes like a mostly clean sponge.
That's why you have to shove a beer can up a chicken butt or otherwise wrap various chicken parts in cheese or breadcrumbs to eat it. Once I made chicken edible by covering it with a mayonnaise blanket and dumping garlic on it. Experimenting in the kitchen is so fun!
Like all fun things, however, someone ruined it. Look at this fucking abomination right here. LOOK AT IT:
There is no excuse, America. None. Personally, I can look at this collage of repulsive nastiness for about six seconds before I start gagging uncontrollably. This chicken looks like a urinal cake and probably tastes like Smurfchops baked in some kind of bodily fluid emitted by members of The Blue Man Group.
How long are you able to look at this without gagging? I really want to know.
If you have an iron stomach and no problem with this, please don't feel left out. Here are some other things for you to discuss on today's open thread:
- What do you think chicken did to this lady to make her do this to chicken?
- Apparently there are 91 flavors of Kool-Aid. Would this be as bad if she had used Purplesaurus Rex or Pink Swimmingo?
- How long will it take for Kool-Aid to make a Shake-n-Bake style product and troll us as hard as Oreo does?
- Is Karen OK? Karen, are you OK?